He noticed that her hair was as blonde as the sun,
perfectly brushed, hanging loosely about her shoulders.
He noticed that her lips were as red as crimson,
curled slightly up, in an everlasting smile.
He noticed that her wedding ring glistened in the light,
a band of gold, a reminder of good times past.
He noticed that her eyes were closed as if asleep,
those beautiful blues, the windows to her soul.
But what he noticed most of all was a heart no longer beating,
a chest no longer rising and falling with breath.
"This deafening silence; O to hear her laugh once again!"
As she lay there now in her eternal bedchamber,
her lifeless body as still as the hands of a broken timepiece,
he couldn't help notice, no, he couldn't help but notice...
That his life would never be the same.
Nice anaphora here, this is quite a sad text, still great though.
This legit made me cry, if it made me cry that means it's a beautiful piece
thanks again for your kind comments. my next one will be happy, i promise!
Your words cause one to ache with him...beautifully and powerfully written.
Ooooooo sadness from every line
This is heart-wrenching, and I appreciate that a lot. Well done.
This is a very strong and emotional piece. I like the transition from beginning to end. It starts out fine, and you understand how he feels for her. Then it switches to a darker tone, death and you're left feeling a bit crushed and feeling for him. It's something a lot of people can relate to. Your word choice was also spot on. Well done.