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three blind mice
three blind mice
see how they run
see how they run

they all ran after the farmer's wife
she cut off their tails with a carving knife
did you ever see such a sight in your life
as three blind mice
three blind mice



Dumpty here.  As in Sam Dumpty.  Another tale to be told, another mystery to be solved.  And I'm just the guy to do it!  After carefully considering all of the relevant facts, taking into account, of course, any mitigating circumstances, then factoring in miscellaneous possibilities, I have put together the pieces of this unusual and extraordinary puzzle and have come up with a working theory as to what actually occurred and why (deep breath).

I started my premise with a multiple query.  Three things I considered: (a) How did the mice become blind? (b) Why did they turn on the farmer's wife and (c) Were the aforementioned facts somehow related?

I interrogated the farmer's wife first under the hottest light I could find and with a menacing look in my eye (for intimidation purposes only, of course).  "Now look ma'am, I said, your story's just not adding up.  Now one more time and from the beginning!"

"Well Mr. Dumpty, sir, as I told you already, I was baking an apple pie, minding my own business, singing a happy tune when suddenly, and for no apparent reason, in ran these three ghastly mice, screaming obscenities and threatening me in the most vulgar of terms. Why I, I had no choice but to run.  'Round and 'round the table I ran, when the glint from the carving knife caught my eye.  Well sir, never in a million years was it my intent to do any harm to those cute, disabled, furry little mice, no sir!  But a strange wave of giddy excitement overwhelmed me as I considered the prospect of cutting off their little tails (sniff).  I, I don't know what came over me.  I love mice, really I do!  I even keep their little tails in a jar on my kitchen windowsill as a reminder never, no never, to do that sort of thing again.  Ever!"

Dumpty here.  Well, now you know the story from the dame's point of view.  But I couldn't help but think that a piece of the puzzle was still missing.  So I decided to visit the three blind meese, er, mice, at the nursing home where they now reside.  Their story was hard to swallow, but I believed every word of it!

"Thanks for granting the interview Mr. meeses, I mean, oh whatever!  Now look, er, what I mean is, well, not literally look, what I meant to say is... no, hey guys I'm over here!  Okay, now that I have your attention,  I need to hear your side of the story, and please, just the facts ma'am, er, sirs."

"Well, the name's Ervin.  Ervin T. Shorttail III.  Who knew my last name would end up prophetic (sigh)?!  This is my brother Earl and this is my other brother Earl.  We just three ordinary barn mice, never hurt no one, no sir (thas right Ervin, tell 'im).  Now there we happened to be one day, mindin' our business, when the smell of apple pie entered our tiny nostrils (mindin' our own biz) and we just had to find out what all the fuss was about (wasn't hurtin' nobody, uh-uh).  So we climbed up the side of the house up that little hangin' vine and peeped through the open window (jus peepin', thas all).  Well, that crazy ol' farmer's wife took one look at us, let out a terrible shriek (we jus mice, thas all) and she done maced us right on the spot (can't see no mo)!  Now, Mr. detective, surely you can see that it was uncalled for!  We wasn't gonna eat the whole thing, no, we was only wantin' jus a taste (jus a taste or two).  Anyway, now we three blind ol' mice.  But the thought of retaliation was the farthest thing from our minds (no sir). Then, about a week later, there we was, stumblin' 'round the barn tryin' to find a scrap to eat when suddenly, and without warning, comes the smell of apple pie right up our nostrils all over again (we done jus got over it)!  So we thought, man, that crazy ol' bat be taunting us.  Now, we ain't havin' it, us already bein' blind and all (can't see no mo). So, in we went, jus to talk, thas all (tell 'im Ervin).  Man, you know she grabbed that knife and started whackin' away.  Now we three blind mice wit no tails, layin' here in this nasty old folks home.  You know, we jus mice (jus mice, thas all)."

Dumpty back.  Well, I took the guys' story to my captain, and it wasn't long before we had her locked up.  For good!  Now you know the true story behind this seemingly unsolvable conundrum.  

This is Detective Sam Dumpty, signing off!
mystery solved ala Sam Dumpty (detective extraordinaire!)

FOR THE AUDIO VERSION CLICK HERE: soundcloud.com/tom-woodliff/th…

preview courtesy of: neighya.deviantart.com/
Add a Comment:
 
:icontanaka8120:
tanaka8120 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2014
To see but not to see; how many of us are in-fact just another three blind mice.
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
A bit philosophical, but hey :)
Reply
:icondelice1941:
Delice1941 Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014
Excited Rat emoji Grumpy Rat emoji Angry Rat 
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, obviously before the infamous macing incident
Reply
:iconvirnagray:
virnagray Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Very entertaining:)
Great job!!
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks V
Reply
:iconvirnagray:
virnagray Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure:)
Reply
:iconruntofthelitter:
RuntOfTheLitter Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014
HELLO! .... Another GOOD one! ....

This OLD geezer has learned, the HARD way,
that when one loses his 'INNER KID', LIFE becomes
MUCH less desirable ....

My BEST to you and yours,

ROTL
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah. I've got my serious side, to be sure.  But gosh I liked to have a bit of fun too!  Thanks
Reply
:iconwhiteplumfragrance:
WhitePlumFragrance Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
God dammit the audio version is fantastic! 
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Edited Sep 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Gosh darnit check out the others while you're there. Thanks doll
Reply
:iconneighya:
Neighya Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hahaha! Brilliant!

The meeses feel redeemed ;) being 'jus mice and all'.
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
hope you got a chance to hear the audio - link provided
Reply
:iconneighya:
Neighya Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks I did :)
Reply
:icongreen-eyed-reptile:
green-eyed-reptile Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Student General Artist
"screaming obscenities,"?! LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! I missed your funny spoofs; this was hilarious.
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
you'll have to check out the audio versions - even better.  just click on link in notes
Reply
:icongreen-eyed-reptile:
green-eyed-reptile Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Student General Artist
Cool! 
Reply
:icondelice1941:
Delice1941 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
:iconclapplz: 
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ooh a standing ovation. I'll take it!
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Great stuff
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It was fun
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I could tell
Reply
:icondeathrock138:
Deathrock138 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Student Writer
I quite enjoyed your tale! The slang used for the mice was a very interesting touch. Do I sense an aspect of classism? lol
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
hmmm... maybe a wee bit of satire
Reply
:iconsun-lily:
sun-lily Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist
I like the humorous take you have on these children rhymes. Nice job once again.
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
danka
Reply
:iconfeanor-the-dragon:
Feanor-the-Dragon Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That's just hilarious! :XD:
I'd say it's messed up, but it's no more messed up than having small children sing about blind mice and knives, ay? :XD: Just kidding.
(although I think "blind" may be figurative, like they were unobservant...)

Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ya know, as I add my own twisted take on these I do wonder who created some of these rather bizarre rhymes
Reply
:icondianabolique:
Dianabolique Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:sherlock:
Hmm! I see, I see ... (more than them anyway)
Well done Sam (Tom?)! Tu parles le français aussi ?
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Haha no French, sorry
Reply
:icondianabolique:
Dianabolique Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's ok :pat:
Reply
:iconawesomeponytail:
AwesomePonyTail Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hehe. That was amazing. I need to read your writings more often. 
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You'll find more twisted takes on old nursery rhymes in my children and family folder. Thanks for reading
Reply
:iconawesomeponytail:
AwesomePonyTail Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Alright I shall check that out. :D
Reply
:iconthesoullesschild:
TheSoullessChild Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This was one of my favorite stories when I was a kid and you just made it better!
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
More in my children and family folder. :)
Reply
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